"Sexy isn't Beautiful"
Sexy isn't beautiful.
Having been celibate since just before my wife's death in 1992, I have had the opportunity to experience sexual temptation as a single for just over 22 years, and I'm spiritually weary.
It's everywhere. In the media, in books, magazines at the checkout, on (gasp!) the Internet, everywhere on the street, and in the church. You can't even watch the news without being exposed to boobs, butts and thighs, and that's just the women commentators!
This mini sermon (alas, there's no other label for it) is the result of my reading an article on Yahoo the other day, about R_____a (a well-known pop star) and her latest foray into the fashion world, compliments of the artistry of designer A__m S____n.*
Mr. S____n designed an outfit for R_____a that consists of a pair of panties and a (very) sheer floor-length dress. She was neked. My wife wore more to bed in a teddy.
The interesting thing about the article (other than the obvious sexual nature of her outfit) was a statement by the designer, Mr. S____n. I quote:
"... but fashion is about beauty, and the [female] body is part of that."
That, is the Lie.
This lie had been perpetrated over the years to where women, and men, no longer question it.
But the truth is this. Sexy isn't beautiful. Beauty can incorporate a sexual aspect, but it isn't sexy. Beauty comes from within, it's WHO you are. Sexy is just WHAT you are.
When you dress and/or act in a sexually provocative manner, the purpose is to get observers sexually interested in you. It has nothing to do with you as a person, it's all about getting the other person aroused. There's no component of getting to know you as a person, it's all about your body and it's sexual attractiveness to others.
Beauty, on the other hand, is all about you as a person. Who you are, what you think, your opinions, your outlook on life, and as a Believer, your testimony in Christ.
My wife was beautiful at six in the morning, just getting out of bed, disheveled hair, morning breath that could melt steel, with drool coming out of the corner of her mouth.
Or after a long day of housework, sweaty, with her hair escaping from her head scarf, tired and ready to collapse into a chair in exhaustion.
Or, all dolled up to go out to dinner, dressed modestly, but classily.
The point is, that her beauty was in her person, not her body. Not that her body wasn't beautiful, but her sexual glory was enhanced by her inner beauty, who she was as a person.
And, oh God, how I miss her! The sex was great, but I miss her as a person, as an integral part of my own life and being. I miss her beauty. I yearn for Heaven in a way that I would never have before her death.
The world tells us that to be attractive, we have to dress like a pop star, in a sexually provocative style. That our beauty is in our bodies, not in our minds.
Frankly, not only is that wrong and even contrary to the Scriptures, it's foolish. Our bodies start deteriorating sometime after 25 or so (I don't know the exact age it starts to happen, brighter minds will know), and we totter into the grave, old and decrepit, a shadow of our former selves.
We cannot keep our physical sexual attractiveness, hence the world's emphasis on young nubile bodies, nakedness (or near nakedness), sex, and 40 million products available to "keep you young" in today's society.
Inner beauty lasts for eternity, seriously, it's the only part of who you are now that you'll take with you into Heaven. Granted, we get new bodies in Heaven, but it's the person that you are now that's going to be inserted into that new body.
I hear complaints from women about how men don't make eye contact with them, that the guys ogle their bodies instead of actually making contact with them and interacting with who the women are as persons.
Well, are you using sex or beauty to get their attention?
Dressing modestly won't magically cause every man upon meeting you to be instantly drawn to you as a person, but it'll at least give him an incentive to notice you as a person instead of a sex object.
It will focus the world's attention on you as a person, instead of as a thing to be used. You don't need sex to sell yourself as a person. Believe it or not, sex is easy. You can know absolutely nothing about sex, and yet on the first night of married bliss, have a blast figuring it all out as a couple.
(Suggestion for your wedding night: Get "Intended for Pleasure" by Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat. DO IT! A friend gave us the book for our wedding. After an uncomfortable, but energetic, first night, we sat down and started to read the book together. Oh my freaking goodness... our intimate relationship was never the same. Get the book!)
Sex is a side note to who you are as a person. Who you are on the inside is infinitely more important than whether or not your boobs, butt and thighs are attracting stares from the men.
Want a man to make immediate eye contact with you and treat you as a person? Then don't be foolish and demand or expect him to ignore the fact that you're dressed immodestly.
Men were created by God to be sexually aroused by nakedness, or even implied nakedness (skin-tight clothing), so don't play the fool and demand that men ignore their basic biological programing, if you're going to try to take advantage of it.
You are responsible for how you portray yourself to the world. Either as a sex object, mimicking the world around you and using sex to attract others, or as a person, whose inner beauty reflects who you are and Who you belong to.
As men, we face an onslaught of sexual temptation in every aspect of our lives. Whether on television, in the movies, magazines, on the Internet, at the beach, in the malls, or in simply going to the grocery store or driving down the street.
The one place that we should be able to find relief from this battle is in our relationships with other believers. In fellowship, in church, in casual meetings with each other. Sadly, in many church families, this is not so.
Sexy is not beautiful. Beauty is who you are, who the world can see when they look at you. It is giving people a reason to be genuinely attracted to you, and of ultimately giving you the opportunity of introducing them to Christ.
Sexy is not beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholden.
"Drink to me only with thine eyes, and I will pledge with mine..."
*Forseeing the possibility that both parties might not be exactly thrilled with my references to them,
you'll have to pardon my exclusion of their actual names.
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